How hard it is for a professor to confess thus: “I don’t know”

 “Your hairless head is interestingly funny. Prof, why did you not seek advice before –?”

“Shhhhh! Siddie, that is what amounts to hate speech.” Turning to drunkards, Professor challenged, “Why are you gazing at me as if I have peddled some inflammatory remarks or as if I have landed from the moon?”

“Siddie is right,” Joshua interjected. “She has complimented you Prof. in fact you should be rejoicing Professor. Siddie has just spared you from an untold agony of a-would-be-possible humiliating truth.” Joshua stopped momentarily to fill in Marianna’s half empty glass that was begging for more. Professor was bitter.

“What do you mean Joshua?”

“Your head looks like one big –”

“Pumpkin,” Kariakoo shouted to everyone’s surprise. Marianna resisted the urge to laugh but she gave up. Her cheeks inflated systematically and a hilarious laughter was born – Oh! How appealing those white teeth were.

“Let us talk about AOBs fellow drunkards of the county.” Marianna proposed – half serious, half sarcastic. It is the appearance of her face and the tone of her voice that betrayed her.

“Siddie, I owe you an excessive supply of Cana concoction for ‘spoiling’ my evening.” Professor then turned to Marianna, “You too. I love the mannerism in which you laugh at disability.”

Kariakoo attempted to complain but he simply embarrassed himself.  Misled by liquor’s influence, he just managed to bark the word ‘discrimination’ – it is still debatable whether he knew what he meant. It was appropriate to change the topic.

“How was your day Professor?” I threw the question to him.

“You know what Mr. Chairman –?”

“No! I don’t know.” I replied though unnecessarily.

“Me too,” Siddie added. “Tell us Prof.”

“I had concluded the CRE lesson,” twelve drunkard eyes looked at Professor as he continued the narrative. “As a matter of factual habit than necessity at the end of each lesson, I posed the same question to the pupils ‘Any question class?’”

“I hope they did not querry about your troubled marital problems,” Kariakoo interrupted, “or you day-dream that kids are naively too soft-minded to notice?”

Professor would have called the keeper of cows some names, but he didn’t. Many are the times he had hurled insults to him such as  ‘black helmet’, ‘loose canine’, ‘medulla oblongata’, ‘son of a b****’ among others. Kariakoo remained unmoved. Professor opted to ignore him.

“Was Jesus Christ punished for failing in Mathematics by the teacher?” asked poor Alexander – the tiniest of my pupils in that class.

“What did you tell him? I mean, how did you entertain such crap from such a rascal, Professor?” Marianna wondered.

“I would have skinned him alive. As we speak now, he would be chorusing kari kii? tondu nikii ? Shaitani chose to spend life with people on earth?” Kariakoo said cutting the air with his index finger threateningly. Good heavens! Professor avoided that raging finger like a plague; his left eye would have been victimized.

“I would have plucked his canines brutally without anaesthetizing his diastema,” Salim said after waking up from a brief sleep. He added, “Every would-be-a-future-fool in that class would have learnt better how to respect an elder.”

“That’s why you didn’t become teachers you fools,” Marianna admonished them –Salim and Kariakoo. She turned to Professor, “Please go on.”

“God must be regretting the loss of His precious time creating some people whom we all know.” Smiling mildly, Professor added, “We shall not expose their identity in this forum. It is not quite necessary.”

“Ok. Prof, what did you tell Alex?” I prodded him.

“Half of my heart insisted on telling the truth plainly: ‘Christ did not attend any school. This means, he neither did algebra nor wrote compositions. He spent his early life making chairs and cupboards at Joseph’s woodwork workshop.’” Marianna would have interrupted but she hesitated. Professor went on, “the other half kept telling me to respond to that question in a very general approach. After comparing pros and cons, I told the pupils to consider it as homework and then left.”

“That means you are a very useless teacher. Why is the government taxing me heavily to pay you, yet you are sleeping on your job? Why couldn’t you answer him?” Joshua challenged Professor.

“I do not blame you,” Professor said pointing at Joshua, “for your underdeveloped intelligent Quotient popularly called IQ! No! One day, God of Israel [it is always Israel] will send wisdom from heaven in form of rain; at least you can start preparing to look forward in hope to benefit.” Turning to the rest of us he said “Alex’s case is a tricky one –”

“Then tell us the trick!” Salim demanded.

“In the name of Socrates, my great grandfather, the pioneer and cornerstone of great thinkers, the great patriot of Athens, I demand to be given a rest. No more talk tonight. When some of you will grow up, remind me to trick you then.” Professor turned to the lady waiter who was seated next to the singing ‘juke box’. “You see, there is a clear dichotomy between music and noise. Do you have any track by Dolly Matron for example ‘Does my finger hurt your ring’ because what you are currently considering as music, to be honest with you, is nothing but pure noise?”

“Who is matron, or did you mean parton?”

“It is none of your business Joshua to know whether it is patron or mutton. You either listen to the music or die, plastic!” Professor moved closer to Siddie in a manner suggesting more than what met our eyes. He held her by the waist tightly. She did not resist. A tranquil voice characterized by articulate confident crescendos and diminuendos replaced the chaotic voice. Looking at Siddie directly in her eyes, Professor sang together with Don Williams:

                          “…you‘re my bread when I’m hungry

                             You’re my shelter from troubled winds

                             You’re my anchor in life’s ocean

                             But most of all you are my best friend….”