Our long lost drunkard is back and he is a ‘nabii’

Marianna broke into a frenzied welcome gig and all drunkards of the county joined her on the dance-floor:

Marianna: nduraga na mahoya ii ngihoera muthenya uyu –

Drunkards: nduraga na mahoya ii ngihoera muthenya uyu

Marianna: Takirore –

Drunkards: wone

Marianna: Mahoya ni –

Drunkard: makinyu

Marianna: Geithia Mundu –

Drunkards: ini

Marianna: na umwire ni –

Drunkards:  makinyu

Marianna: Geithia ucio ungi –

Drunkards: ini

Marianna: na umwire ni –

Drunkards: makinyu

When the patrons ‘cooled down’ Professor jerked up, coughed and cleared his throat to give a brief introduction of the ‘surprise guest of honor’. 

“The Chairman; also known as the Senior Gossiper, the Secretary; popularly known as Daktari, Joshua; the fallen man of cloth, Kariakoo; the keeper of cattle (though to be honestly fair, they are very unproductive, though no ill will against them or the owner), Siddie; the Tamu Tamu Hotel proprietor, sellers and drinkers of this honorable but ‘cursed’ concoction, gentle ladies and gentlemen” Professor started. “I feel honored to welcome back, on my own behalf and on behalf of Thirsty Throats, our long lost friend, buddy, colleague, trouble maker, and a drinker of this Cana Concoction. Before I give him a chance to address us, it is just noble that I parade some of his remarkable achievements. Underline the word ‘Remarkable.’

He is a big old child of two worlds. He is neither this nor that as you can all testify. He is the greatest impostor known to Thirsty Throats environs and beyond. He is a good sales man as far as you all know. He can sell pork to Muslims. On the other hand, he is a very prayerful man. We know God has in most instances blessed the work of ‘his hands’ as evidenced by the many children born resembling his face in this area. He is a hard worker if you agree with me, which you have to, anyway!

Now without much ado, please join me in welcoming the one and only Saa-lllli-----m. Welcome Salim and address the concoction addicts.” Professor took to his seat.

Our long lost friend had undergone a metamorphosis. He had changed a lot for the months he had gone missing. He was no longer the smartly dressed manager that Thirsty Throats knew. His sunken eyes, protruding cheek bone, and wrinkled face said it all; life outside Thirsty Throats can never be a bed of roses. Thanks to the patrons who competed to  cheer him up by making orders of Cana Concoction for him.

“My friends,” Salim began on a very nostalgic tone, “allow me to call you friends. First I wish to apologize for having left you without a formal farewell to you.” He continued.

Different speculative theories kept following me to where I had gone to following my sudden disappearance. We say akufaaye kwa dhiki ndiye rafiki, my friends I esteem you as marafiki wangu wa dhati, wa kufa kuzikana. Nimewezwa na upendo wenu usio na kipimo. Mmesimama nami kwa hali na mali bila kunung’unika wala kunielekezea kidole cha lawama. Naomba mola awanyunyizie Baraka zake zizizo na tamati as we continue to plan ahead.

Many are the times I felt a strong urge to terminate my life. Some of you may be aware while others may not be aware that all that I had counted as my wealth was razed down to ashes in the neighboring town. Some witnesses still hold that some an unidentified armed arson set the buildings ablaze before escaping in a blue Saloon car. They were my only….I am saying that they were my only source of livelihood. I felt weak, useless and unworthy of any more earthly life.

My friends, I left without a notice because I knew – or so I thought and desired – that I  would be back the same day or the day that followed. This never came to be. One day became one week; one week became one month; one month became what you all know by now, I feel ashamed of this.

My friends, I had throughout my life – until that fateful event – asked myself many questions: what makes a good man to be a bad man over night? What makes a God-fearing pastor become a great sinner of the year suddenly? What makes a caged bird sing? What makes God to punish righteous people and reward evil people, or so I thought? What is life and what is money?

My friends, for those many days that I was away I have come to learn that man lives by the graces of God; not by his might, his power, his influence, or his money – and so is to a woman and any other person living on this planet or taking this concoction.

My friends, now that I am back, allow me to end there because I will be sharing with you more about life out of this place. Ahsanteni sana na mola awabariki.” An emotional Salim concluded his short remark.

“He was dead and now he is back to live – cheeeeers people” Kariakoo said. The people in solidarity raised their glasses of – some full while others half-full of the cana concoction and responded “Cheeers”. They continued to respond so every time Kariakoo uttered something in welcoming Salim.

“For the the  health of Saliiiiiim –”

“Cheers”

“He was lost and now he is found”

“cheeeers!”

“For his houses of stones turned ashes –”

“Cheeeers!”

“For the many healthy children he has sired –”

“Cheeeers!”

“For the many years ahead of him –”

“Cheeeers”

“And many women –”

“Cheeeers!”

“And many children –”

“Cheeeers!”

“And riu maundu macio maingi biiiiiiiiiiiu!”

“Cheeeeeeeeeeers!”