I have made a personal choice; to stick to my own gossiping career

When I said “Yes” to Siddie’s polite request (it is always polite, I don’t know why) I had not anticipated the dangerous dungeon I had started to dig for myself. “Do you mind managing it tomorrow on my behalf since I will be attending the burial of Ciku – my primary school friend?” Siddie prodded me.

“So you want me to supervise your Tamu Tamu Hotel, while you will be away?

“Exactly!” an exhilarated Siddie replied.

Most residents in Thirsty Throats environs must have wondered what prompted the Senior Gossiper to wake up such early particularly on a Thursday. Many people who know me well will tell you that the earliest I can pretend to rise up from the bed; especially on a Thursday is 11:05 a.m. unless lunch is shifted to 9:10a.m .without prior consultation when I can rise up, earliest at 8:50am. Being at Tamu Tamu Hotel at 6:47 a.m. on Thursday last week was a great sacrifice. I hope God will remember this act of charity during the judgment day and reward me with eternal life.

As an amateur (though I must confess that I had zero experience to anything relating to selling food, or tea or customer relations or balancing accounts) I put on Siddie’s white apron and took full control of the hotel.

“You cannot over flow your plate with customers’ food,” I barked at one kitchen 'proprietor'. He was a young man barely 19 years; 5 foot tall – a form two drop out, as I learnt later. “You think I will allow your greed to destroy this business?” I added. His fellow cooks – two men and two ladies looked at me questioningly wondering whom I felt I was to give orders. “Madaraka ma muthenya umwe nimo maratuma wambarare?” a bald headed man – the oldest of them all, groaned from a corner. I went closer to him. He too was feasting.  On his left hand, he held two chapattis rolled together for ease of grip. Beside him was a plate full of goat intestines, meat eaters call them ‘matumbo’. “We have been eating long before you were born” he added as a mater of fact. My presence did not deter them in any way. The thought of those cooks descending on me with those kitchen knives sent a cold chill down my spine.  Stories of women pouring hot water on their husbands while they are asleep worsened my circumstance upon seeing a karai half full of boiling deep- frying oil. “What if my face is splashed with it?” No, I had to leave but not without issuing an ultimatum. “Get me clear people” I was very serious “anybody else harboring similar appetite will definitely face a pay cut at the end of the day. Be warned!” No one dared to utter anything in resistance.

By 10:46 a.m. I had started to wonder how Siddie sustains the business rating with the type of customers that had already come and left. Most of them were men – 50 years and above – some buying only one glass of Chai and others only one andazi; Very few bought both products simultaneously. One man particularly had warmed one of the hotel’s chair since 9:12 a.m. and had bought nothing so far. He was just holding a 1997 Taifa Leo pull out page, and only God knows why. Although Siddie seem to have forgotten to inscribe the warning “NO IDLERS!” at a strategic place on the wall, I thought of dragging the idling man out of the facility; his sight was pathetic and nauseating at the same time. I did not. I opted to be more patient with him. Meanwhile, to fight boredom, I chose to re-study the menu.

Tamu Tamu Menu 2015

Chai glass – Kshs 10/=
Chai kikombe kubwa – Kshs 15/=

Maziwa – kshs 15/=

Uji – kshs 15/=

Andazi – kshs 10/=

Chapati – kshs 20/=

Ugali plain – kshs 20/=

Mandondo plain – kshs 30/=

Mix plain – kshs 30/=

Mix Chapo – Kshs 50/=

Mix Ugali – kshs 50/=

Githeri – kshs 40/=

God Bless!

By 12 noon a different clique of customers had started to stream in. some minutes to 1 p.m. the facility was already resembling a chaotic congregation in a church demanding an immediate resignation of their immoral pastor. Some were standing and some were seated. Everyone wanted to be heard: “Siddie leta Surwa pande hii” “Aaa Mrembo hayuko leo!” “uratua cumbi niwaku wika , nengereria uria uhaana ta Mundu uriaga maratathi!” “Wee, Salome, githi ndiitirie mix na kachumbari?” “aaaa! Nikiii?” it was overwhelming to attend to these customers. The road to madness begins by working in the midst of such rowdy customers. I counted Siddie among the strong people for being able to live in the midst of such people and not loosing her mind. If noise during feasting was disastrous, then what followed was catastrophic.

Having feasted to their fullest after emptying two sufurias of mandondo and one sufuria of cabbages, they started to vacate one after the other without paying. First, I thought my eyes were playing some tricks on me. No, they were not. I had to act expeditiously; otherwise Siddie would curse me for misappropriating her hotel. I jumped on one man and held him by the collar.” You are going nowhere. You either settle their debt (I did not have to explain to him whose debt; he too had witnessed the illegal exodus.) or suffer a jail term!” I threatened him.

“Ndekia! Leave me alone!”

“You know not what you ask for my friend”

“I am not your friend,” he lamented. His effort to flee himself was in vain. The kitchen battalion came and rescued him after one – Susanna – attempted to explain to me the anomalous behavior of Tamu Tamu Hotel food eaters. The allure and merriment of being a one day CEO was slowly fading away. I had not anticipated this. I will forever remain indebted to Susanna – Siddie’s personal assistant – for her astuteness. Little did I know that she was in control of the situation.

“They are stone house builders” I was very attentive as she described the customers . “We provide them with lunch on credit. They all make cumulative cash payments on Saturday evening when they happen to be paid.” She continued in a very confident tone, “I take account of every plate that leaves the kitchen as well as the account of every ‘Pay- Later- As- You- Eat –Now’ customer. Siddie has entrusted me to do this.” Guilt and shame threatened to crush me  but I silently beseeched the God of Israel not to let that happen. “This is the record of their expenses today,” she concluded. I pretended to survey it. The record was clean and clear. It was prepared in a legible smart handwriting. I admired it. Recalling the morning incidence, I felt the need to go down on my knees and beg her forgiveness. I handed her back the ‘book of lunch-hour life’. Facing Susanna (though I must admit that I tried to avoid any eye contact with her) I saw a relaxed and a non-judgmental bright face. Looking at her again, she smiled and went back to the kitchen.